Dear Ella,
7 years old today! Where did the time go? Did I really embark on this crazy ride of Motherhood 7 years ago?? It seems like yesterday. You have brought me so much joy and laughter. I have relived parts of my childhood with you. I have created Family traditions of our own that I hope you will do with your own children some day.
Ella, let me tell you a story I have never told you. When I was pregnant with you... and I mean VERY pregnant with you, I was at a party. And there was a psychic/medium there. She knew some things that blew my mind. But I never forgot what she said to me that day. She said that you and I would have a very stressful relationship for a few years of your life but then things would get better and everything would be fine. (Well geesh tell me something I don't know lady. I am having a girl, so of course there will times when we will be arguing over makeup, clothes, curfews and boys.) I was not impressed with her prediction. Until she told me it would be between the ages of 3-7. Surely I thought she was mistaken and I said don't you mean like 13-17 or 23-27? She said nope. 3-7. She then went on to say the following and I have NEVER forgotten it, "This Child will challenge you like no one has ever ever challenged you, EVER, in your entire life."
Well my beautiful girl, so far she has been right about it all. I truly have never had anyone grow me, challenge me and teach me the way you have. No one has ever caused me to search down deep into the depths of my soul to find courage, confidence and patience the way you have. No one will ever impact me (for better) more than you will. You are an EXCEPTIONAL Child in SO many ways. Ways I don't always appreciate because it is SO challenging at times. But I am learning to be grateful for it. I truly believe that God chose me to be your Mom for a reason. Cause God knew I needed to be taught some things about Love. True Unconditional Love. Fear. Anxiety, Panic. Worry. Sadness. Hopelessness and ultimately SURRENDER.
I think of how much time we spent lost in misunderstanding, and I no longer regret it, cause I KNOW it will only make our relationship that much stronger in the end. If you only knew how many tears I cried thinking I was doing it all wrong. Thinking I was screwing you up, failing you as a Mom in EVERY way possible. Maybe it is because you are my first and there is no instruction booklet as they say, that comes along with having children. I have learned so much in 7 years, but this week I learned this:
Almost every Mom out there (including me) thinks they are doing everything wrong and almost every kid out there is too in love with their Mom, just as she is, to even notice.
This week I asked you and your sister on the way to school what you wish Mommy would change about herself. Anything at all. I got answers like "give us more candy", "let us have ice cream every night for dinner." Ha ha. No surprise there. So I probed deeper without giving you any answers. I said what if you could change something about the way I talk, or act, or anything I do too much or anything I don't do enough. I literally left the door so far open you could have driven a truck through it. And I braced myself to hear your responses. "Don't yell so much" "Don't be so angry all the time" "Have more patience" "Play with us more" etc. etc. etc. What I got instead from one of you was "Mommy, I would not change anything about you" and the other said "Mommy you are perfect" In disbelief, and because I am a glutton for punishment, I said "Ok girls if someone asked you 'tell me about your Mom, what would you say'?" Your responses were "My Mom is AWESOME. My Mom is the BEST Mom in the whole World"
I know you are in such a rush to grow up my love. And you wish tomorrow you were becoming a teenager. You want to wear cool clothes, and makeup and have a boyfriend and a cell phone already. And all I want to do is keep you little and slow time down, all while you are trying to speed it up. If the last 7 went by as fast as they did then the next 7 are going to also and that scares me so bad. But you are still my baby and when you think no one is looking or when you are WAY less worried about being "cool" you melt into me like you did when you were little. You bury your head in my neck and lock your fingers into mine. You take a deep breath like you are trying to inhale me. I know that trick you see cause I invented it all those nights I would sneak in your room while you slept and breathe your very essence into my soul forever.
Happy 7th Birthday my BEAUTIFUL baby. I have only one wish... slow down baby and wait for Mommy to catch up :) I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much it makes me question everything, makes me always want to be BETTER for you, makes me always want the best life has to offer for you. Here are your Birthday ABCs as you turn 7 my love.
A- adrenaline junky
B- bratty
C- confident
D- dancer
E- EXCEPTIONAL
F- fun
G- gymnast
H- healthy
I- innocent
J- jokester
K- keen
L- larger than life
M- magical
N- narcissistic
O- optimistic
P- precocious
Q- quick
R- risk taker
S- swimmer
T- trail blazer
U- unafraid
V- visual
W- wonderful
X- xtra flexible (cheated)
Y- youthful
Z- zany
Mommy loves you. BFFs :)
